Let's Talk About Money & Marriage

Assalamu Alaikum girlie 💐

We’ve got a stacked newsletter today:

👉🏽 First up: A thoughtful guest post from Kadija Kamus on how to approach money conversations before marriage.
👉🏽 Then: I’m sharing deets about a fun show we’ll have this Friday on IG. You do not want to miss it.

Let’s get into it ⬇️

Assalamualaikum! 

My name is Kadija and I got married last year and learned a lot prior to and during marriage how this major life change impacts how I navigate money. I was asked to write a guest post about financial aspects to consider when talking to a potential spouse for marriage and here are some thoughts I had about what a Muslim preparing for marriage should consider. 

💰The 3 Principles

1. Centering Allah - We have a role to play through our duas and efforts, but marriage, like money, is part of our rizq and the details of when, how, or if it will come to us is with Allah.

2. Assessing Personal Values and Goals - There may be a potential spouse that you connect with on many aspects in the short term, whether that is similar interests in hobbies, physical attraction, etc. but there may be major differences about life goals. The money part is usually the logistics of how to accomplish the goal but the intention for wanting to do it goes deeper than the monetary value. 

3. Asking the Hard Questions - Asking the hard questions also helps with being clear about what the purpose of those interactions are and may deter someone who isn’t be ready for marriage.

⚖️ Asking the Right Questions

My husband and I got married within 2 months and we used questions in the book Before You Tie the Knot by Salma Abugideiri and Imam Mohamed Hag Magid to guide the conversations we had to get to know each other. There is a section about finances in a marriage and questions to ask with topics ranging from how you spend and save money, use of credit cards, debts, financial expectations of a spouse, etc.

Other questions I would add are:

• How should we go about making big purchases? Such as a house, car, or educational pursuits.

• How much do you make as income? Do you have income from other means besides a job? 

• If applicable, do you pay your Zakat?

• Do you have an emergency fund? And how long do you expect that to last if you were to lose your income?

• How much do you have in savings in general?

• If we are having difficulty in navigating finances or how we have those conversations would you be open to speaking with a financial professional and/ or therapist?

• What lessons have you learned about money growing up? What still resonates with you today?

• When was the last time you were stressed out about money and how did you react and navigate that situation?

• If I’m not working (wife) would you give me spending money or money to save for retirement? How would we determine what that should look like?

• What are your expectations about how much we should spend for a wedding? Ring? Honeymoon? (Whatever number you determine add 20% on top of that as a buffer for unexpected costs.) Are we expecting our families to provide us financial support for these costs?

• If we disagree about how we manage out money, how should we discuss it?

• How should we navigate our families having different views of how we deal with our finances?

All these questions don’t have to be asked or could be discussed in a larger conversation while being mindful about when in the getting to know each other process it’s being asked. Asking the questions is only half of the puzzle, the other part is being present and listening to what is being shared. Consult with Allah, trusted loved ones, and your heart about the course of action that is best for you in your current situation.

About the author:
Kadija Kamus is a Social Worker based in Maryland with an interest in how finances impact our well-being with an Islamic approach. To learn more about her approach and to check out her blog, the Financially Aligned Muslim and connect on Instagram @financiallyalignedmuslim!

✨ P.S. GIRLIE. MARK YOUR CALENDAR.

I’m hosting a banger of an IG show collab with 3 Muslim wives this Friday, May 30th Inshaa Allah.

As you know, it’s called “If I Were You” and we’re getting all the way real about money dilemmas, marriage, and what we would do vs what we actually do. 😅💸

Joining me are:

• Dr. Nada Wafa from Crescent Wealth (the education enthusiast and Financial Literacy Educator for Women)

• Maryam Njie from Maryamin Baby Gifts (the momma bear of 3 and business coach herself)

• Amenah Jabbi, the realest SAHM bringing her grounded and heartfelt wisdom

We’re mixing perspectives, dropping gems, and holding nothing back. Get your chai ready and your group chat open ‘cause you’ll be texting “did you hear that?!” all night.

Catch you soon,

Fatimah💎

Founder, Finance Girlie